9 Songs is a film by Michael Winterbottom, and is called 9 Songs because there are 9 songs pointlessly breaking up an hour of completely disconnected graphic sex scenes. It should have been called "I Slipped in the Art Gallery" because it has pretension rammed up its arse. The film is about a couple who have lots of sex and go to music concerts, and it gained notoriety because the actors actually have sex in the film, however, as far as I'm concerned,...

500 Days of Summer is a film about how evil women are. Or at least that's what I got from it. Could be wrong. The film stars Zooey Deschanel as Summer and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tom, and is about the rise and fall of the "friendship" between the two. It uses a non-linear narrative and has nice snappy and witty dialogue, though there are a few cheap gags in there. Summer says her nickname in high-school was "Anal Girl" and Tom laughs. Then Summer...

Tangled is the latest effort from Disney and tells the classic story of Rapunzel. It all begins when a drop of sunlight falls to earth and grows into a magical golden flower that makes you younger when you sing a special song to it. The 4th problem I noticed about this is how the hell did they know what the song was? Did a piece of moon fall to earth and turn into an instruction manual? The film starts with a rather extensive back story which...

Paranormal Activity 2 is a film which asks a question. That question being "What would happen if they had a baby and a dog in Paranormal Activity 1?" The answer to which is "The same thing with more barking and crying." The film follows the family of the sister of the girl from the first film. Yeah. The first thing I noticed with the film is that they were keeping up with the whole 'This is real footage' thing, which was stupid. It worked for...

The Village is a film by M. Night Shyamalan and starred Joaquin Phoenix before he became a homeless rapper. It's a film about, oh this will contain spoilers by the way, so if you haven't seen it, I'm doing you a favour. It's a film about what appears to be a puritan community in the middle of some woods filled with monsters but then it turns out that it isn't. That's about as much resolution as this film gets. The only thing you come away knowing...

Now before I get into this, I want to make clear that I set out to do this review with an unbiased opinion of Avatar. I put all the stuff about it being a rip-off of many films out of my mind when I sat down to watch it, so if I come to that conclusion, so be it. Avatar is a rip-off of many films. It's a ripped-off story littered with little bits and pieces of what I would normally call homages, but under the circumstances will term petty theft....

Léon is a film about a man called Léon who can only sleep whilst dressed as Ringo Starr. He's also an assassin. The film kicks off with the not-so-subtle murdering of an entire family, bar one young girl. The thing that struck me about this is how casual the whole thing is. The men that do it are supposedly linked to the police, but even so, they don't try and cover it up in any way. They just stroll in there dressed like hard men, shoot the...

Juno is the endearing story of a 16 year old girl who gets knocked up and then decides to give away what comes out. The first thing that struck me about this film is that the dialogue is very witty, but at the cost of believability in places. It's kind of like a childish Kevin Smith style, but the trouble is that the language doesn't sound appropriate for the age of the characters a lot of the time. The Juno character in particular I wasn't...

Special is a film about a man called Les who begins a drug trial program and then maybe gets super powers but also maybe just goes mad. The first thing I noticed about this film is that the star, Michael Rapaport, isn't such a great actor. He's mostly either over-acting or under-acting. Like 70% of the time I would say his actions miss the mark. And he has a weird face. It's like the Elephant man had cosmetic surgery. The film utilises a voice-over...

Your Highness is a silly medieval comedy from the guy who brought us Pineapple Express, and is pretty much what you would expect. Danny McBride plays Zach Galifianakis as a prince who is trapped in the shadow of his older and better brother. An evil warlock steals Zooey Deschanel and the two go on a quest to save her, with much fun and frolics and penis on the way. There's only one big problem I have with this film, and that's the accents. Zooey...

Spirited Away is a very highly acclaimed film from the much renowned Studio Ghibli. It's also one of the most flawed films I have ever seen. The trouble I find with most anime is that they tend to rely on wild leaps of the imagination to push the story forward. I'm not sure if this is down to bad translation or just differing attitudes to story, but I tend to like to know why things are happening, especially if they are essential to the story. A...

Office Space is a film that starts off being a light-hearted comedy about a guy who decides he's had enough of his mundane everyday life, and ends up being about a group of guys who fuck up a heist. I don't get why this is. The first half of the film is packed with clever and funny gags, and then suddenly they stop because the guy decides he wants to pinch some money. The first qualm I encountered with the film is that the main character Peter...

Yesterday I watched an episode of Sharpe with Elizabeth Hurley in it, and that reminded me of this film which also stars her. I have seen this film before, but I was a teenage boy back then, so my viewing style differed this time. I had the sound on and watched all of it. The plot here is your typical "Guy can't get the girl. Guy goes on a life changing journey. Guy gets the girl." You know. The kind that only Americans love and only Americans...

So this is a film that I enjoyed a lot when I was younger, though this was clearly before I acquired anything resembling taste in films because I thought Nicolas Cage was an amazing actor based on his performance in Gone In 60 Seconds. Yuck. Lord of War presents itself as a stylish action/thriller/drama based on the real-life events of a gunrunner. He starts off small and then becomes hugely successful in the space of a cut; becomes the best,...