The Village is a film by M. Night Shyamalan and starred Joaquin Phoenix before he became a homeless rapper.

It's a film about, oh this will contain spoilers by the way, so if you haven't seen it, I'm doing you a favour. It's a film about what appears to be a puritan community in the middle of some woods filled with monsters but then it turns out that it isn't. That's about as much resolution as this film gets. The only thing you come away knowing is that you were misled.

There's a blind girl called Ivy, and her retarded brother Adrien Brody. He's so retarded in this film, that when his blind sister says "Was that the school bell?", he looks around for it. Also, the blind girl's dad looks like Chuck Norris, and his surname is Walker. Coinkydink? Perhaps this is the Almighty One's garden of Eden?

The blind girl Ivy keeps talking about seeing peoples' colours. I never understood that. Why do we always assume blind people some sort of mystical powers? We don't do that with any other kind of misfortunate people. The only other one I can think of is that neglected children have invisibility.

The entire concept of the film is flimsy in my eyes. It's as if he came up with this idea and loved it so much that he tried his hardest to patch up all the gaping holes. He didn't manage it. Why are the woods forbidden? Dangerous yeah, but why forbidden? And can't they make weapons and fight back? I know the elders are actively trying to stop violence and keep the younger ones there, but the youth aren't stupid. They all seem a little too complacent with living in fear and isolation for my liking.

The colour red also plays a big role in the film, as it's said to attract the monsters, but no reason for this is ever given. Why isn't the elders saying "Don't go in the woods, there are monsters." enough? Why do they have to ban red too? Also, if red is a bad colour, they should have shaved the blind girl and her family because they all had red hair. Stupid ginger people attracting monsters. You kids can use that to bully the gingers at school if you like(The Village is a film kids today are all familiar with, right?(Right??)).

Noah stabbing Joaquin felt like a pretty weak reason to get him injured. 'The Retarded Guy' is one of the cheapest tricks a writer can use to make unexpected things happen for no good reason.

Why does Ivy's dad tell her the monster's aren't real? She's blind so she would never have known otherwise and he wouldn't have jeopardised the community with her knowing the truth when she got back. Also, why didn't her dad go and get the medicine? He knows what's outside already, and he employs a load of security on the perimeter so he must go out occasionally to take care of business.

One silly thing for me was when Noah finds the monster suit under the floor boards. He didn't know that the monsters weren't real, so why didn't he freak the fuck out? And what's worse, why did he wear the thing?? Surely he must have just thought it was a dead monster. Maybe that's why they found the skinless cat. Noah was playing dress up. The giant pit in the middle of the woods that he falls down was just stupid too. Why was that even there??

The biggest flaw with this film in my eyes is the concept. There is no way they could have built this place and kept it secret for about 20 years. Especially with a security force patrolling it. They would almost definitely take a nosey in there. One of the saddest examples of the writer acknowledging that the film has major problems and trying to patch them up is one of the security guards saying "There was trouble a few years ago with rumours of companies being paid off not to fly planes over the place. That was a ball-ache." That's just lazy. And it didn't even work. Google Earth. Boom!

The ending to this film is just terrible. It's not even an ending. You don't find out about anything. You don't find out if they save Joaquin. You don't find out what happens now that Ivy knows the truth, or that the security guard outside knows that people are living inside the fences. There is just no closure at all. The film relied on the twist being so mind blowing that it felt you wouldn't be able to process anything else so it'd better just end there and give your poor little brain a break to reassess reality.